Renewed Hope

December 6, 2011

The last few months I have been thinking how I can express my love and appreciation for  everyone that has helped our family so much. There has been such an outpouring of service that I really felt strongly I needed to do something.  I had the thought of bearing my testimony at church. Late at night I would lay awake and think about how I wanted to come across to people what to say and what not to. I kept getting these thoughts and decided to do it. I thought about it constantly. The only problem is I knew I couldn't stand up  there myself so Kent was wonderful in offering to do it for me. I also wanted to document my thoughts at this time and this pretty much sums it up. I hope it came across okay to people. I was so worried. 

This is what I came up with:

I am sorry I am not able to be here in person today, but I wanted to express my love for you all as a ward and for the outpouring of love and support for me and my family over this last year. I feel at a loss of how to repay everyone and feel like a thank you just doesn’t give it justice.

You never know what life can bring. It can happen suddenly and you never see it coming. Life is so fragile. Cherish it.  I never imagined I would be crippled or chronically ill for so long. I have been bed ridden for over a year now. It’s hard to accept my current state and having to use a wheel chair. I didn’t know if I would make it last winter for fear of my organs shutting down, but through all this I have realized, in order to fight any kind of illness or overcome a trial in this life we need to have FAITH and HOPE.  I have realized lately when things don’t go as planned or like they should I need to keep reminding myself of finding that renewed hope within. I think of the words Try, try again. Never give up.

My family and friends help to renew my hope. I am thankful for a husband who carries me literally when I need it. I am thankful for my daughter Karlie who always asks, “Mom can I get you anything” there is not a day that goes by that she tries to give me words of comfort. “Mom you’re going to get better and I pray for you every day”. For my son Ethan always being concerned if I am in pain and he has a curiosity of what’s in my IV’s and how it works. And to my little Emma who always asks, “Mom do you need help getting your socks on”? “Can I put a blanket on you”? “I just want to be by you”. They say these things constantly. I know these little acts may seem small, but I have learned to cherish the little moments. They are my angels. How could that not be my renewed hope?  My family is my rock during this time and I am so thankful for them and hope to get better to help them instead of them helping me. I am proud of the extra responsibility they have taken on to help out.

You as a ward also play a huge role in finding my renewed hope too.

Thank you so much for the many meals brought in, thank you to the people who just have called up out of the blue and say I am bringing dinner by, thank you for the gift cards that I have no idea who they are from, thank you for the notes, flowers, the emails asking how I am doing, for the friends who haven’t given up on me. You know who are.  Thank you for mowing our lawn, thank you for the many desserts dropped off at my door step.

None of you have to do this and I know how busy everyone’s lives can be. I am sorry I have been sick for so long. But know the outpouring of love has meant so much to me and has kept me going. It has helped our family tremendously. There are seriously too many things to count, but know that I appreciate each and every one of you. I thank you with all my heart. I pray and hope I may get better soon. I have faith, hope and a determination I will someday walk fully again.

I am not sure why this is my trial in life, but I do know I need to have faith that things will work out. I do believe I am being guided in finding the right doctors and the path I am on right now. Treatment has been expensive, but we have somehow managed and I know we are being blessed with the extra work that comes for Kent to make extra money to help pay for it all. And then Kent said he thanked everybody.

Em