Thursday, July 9, 2015

Taking Back My Life Song


These video's are so beyond hard for me to do. They make me realize where I was, how much it took to get where I am at and how far I have come. What a journey it has been. I thank God everyday I am alive and here. I remind myself everyday to be still and cherish each moment.  I think I have made some HUGE progress aye. 

As you saw in the video I started a business. How crazy is that huh! I am finding my way in the world again. It's very fulfilling and challenging at times. I am realizing the business aspect is about connections. I am figuring it out though. My hope is to give back in some way. I also hope following my heart in what I want to do in life and where I want to be as a wife and mom are in line of where I should be. I know I will be judged taking this route with starting an online business, but it has been something I have always wanted to do. I think we constantly live with fear of being judged and tell ourselves we can't do things or that we're not good enough. I decided, why in the world do (we) I tell myself these things. I learned to fight/conquer these kind of thoughts while being bedridden. Why not fight them now too. And from that moment forward, I decided to go for it.

I am finding my way.......This is my fight song...........I am taking back my life song. :) 

UPDATE: Like I said in the video, I do have damage from over the years that I am still working on and figuring out. I mentioned some damage in previous posts, but I will explain briefly; My eyes are scarred leading to cataract surgery and vision loss, some of my joints have lost the padding so they are bone on bone, my hands and feet I am still figuring out, I need to go to my heart doc again and my bottom jaw moved backwards from the disease attacking my jaw.  my insurance just accepted a jaw specialist, so I will be figuring that out soon. The good news is the doctors are really excited my body is showing signs of repairing itself, which is awesome!

I have 5 doctors right now over my care. My doctors are amazed at how well I am doing. Every time I go in I get things like, wow its an Emily transformation. One doctor said, You look really bad @ss in that leather jacket. Ha, ha I was a little taken back and said, oh....uhhh...well....thank... you. LOL In my mind I was thinking, I think that's a compliment. Ha, ha And one guy doctor said, you sure like it when your hair is done don't you? Me: ummm....y..e..s I do. LOL (I really do). They were all guy doctors so I think they were telling me good job, you look good, you look different as being good. I  think. :) LOL 

My doctors frequently tell me they tear up when they see me and think of where I was and where I am at now. When they look at me, I know they look at me in bewilderment and amazement which reminds me of where I've been and where I am now. I tear up just thinking about it. Oh what a long hard journey it has been.

I guess its kinda silly to put songs with my life, but this, Fight Song by Rachel Platten resonates something in me that is hard to describe. I like it. It reminds me to tell my mind/ body the lyrics;  

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
(Starting right now) I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

I am finding my way.......This is my fight song...........I am taking back my life song. :) 


~My first BX video is below in another post.

The Spoon Theory Analogy

This article pertains to any chronic illness.  A lot of the time when people ask me what its like having RA and Lyme's it is hard to explain and a lot of the time I don't know what to say.  I wonder, do they really want to know or should I just say I am fine, because I don't want to complain too much. This article  is the best way to explain my everyday life of what it's like. Luckily, my energy levels are getting better and better to be able to use more spoons (energy). It is the perfect analogy living and fighting it everyday!

Go to the link below to read it: