Sunday, April 6, 2014

Rising From The Ground

Over the years in my past blog posts, I thought about symbols in my life of how to keep going each day. I didn't intend to make quotes out of my thoughts, but when I went over things I saw my words in a different light. The quotes below I put together from things that I thought about and words that meant something to me overtime. (The background pics are either my own, or from google images. I left the watermark if their was one to give credit.) I hope someday my kids can look to these quotes for comfort knowing they were the focus of my mind. I hope they know I fought for them and am still fighting.  I also hope my messages of what I have gone through, can help bring comfort to others going through something hard. That's one reason I made my blog journaling public.

This quote is from the blog post, 
"I Won't Give Up".

This is my sweet little girl. 

This is from the blog post,
 "Diamond In The Rough". 

And of course my 3 kids are my, 
"Beautiful Diamond's in the Rough". 

The quote below is about one of the things that kept me going. This subject kept coming up frequently in my mind, so I knew and felt this was something I really needed to work on. Not that I  always thought negative in the past, but going through this trial made me work on it like never before. I truly believe positive thinking kept me alive and I truly believe it helped me find myself in a way I never thought about before.

This one below is from the blog post, 
"Angels Watching Over Me".

This is from the blog post,
 "Renewed Hope".

This update below is to help me remember what it was like trying to come up.

Update: Trying to come up from being bedridden the last 3 years is harder than I ever imagined. It is harder than any kind of race/marathon I have ever prepared for mentally or physically. These races in the past might have been small to some, but the races I did train for was a huge accomplishment to me with everything I've ever gone through. 

Currently: I've been trying to walk for several months now. I wanted to somehow change getting out of bed and change my energy levels. I Figured, "Well, my hands need time to progress to do things. I'm not exactly ready there. But I thought you know, I don't walk well, but I can limp somewhat. That is when I fully realized, walking is the key for me to to increase those energy levels". I was hoping walking would help me sit up and last longer trying to get out of bed. This is also when I realized that I was the only one to change this since the meds were very slow in helping me.  I finally felt like I was at a place in this journey to work on this fully.  I don't think my body was ever ready to work physically, but my mind was. My determination never left. (Little did I know I would have to have the same determination and will to survive these last 3 years as the will and determination as I had to have when running.  It prepared me.) My body was just too sick in the years past to even try to consider working on it.  When I first started walking, every time I tried to get on the treadmill I would scream in pain and cry the whole way through. I wanted my life back sooooo bad. I didn't care how much each step hurt. (I don't recommend that per say to anyone) I worked through the extreme fatigue, pain, nausea, and constant sweating from fevers. That is what my days are like trying to walk and function each day even when sitting. Well it's been awhile now.  The symptoms are still WAY hard, but not as bad though. They are slowly dissipating. I can talk, walk and stand more now, because I've worked so hard the last several months.
It's nice to say,

"I did that and no doctor could ever do that for me, that part was ALL ME".  

Yes medicine/herbs helped me to not have further damage, but when I walked, is when I really noticed IMPROVEMENT. Yeah!!! Walking really helped kick start my improvements, along with herbs and everything I'm doing right now. It is still to early to tell with the new treatment I'm doing, but I'll let all my Lyme peeps know when I know more of how it is affecting me. It was hard in the beginning and sometimes still is, but so far I really think I am noticing improvements from this treatment.  Time will tell to know more fully.  I know I still have a long ways to go physically, but my body is getting way better day by day. I still get extremely frustrated with my up and down days. Some days I'll feel well enough to get up and the next day I plummet hard not even being able to get up at all that day. Those days are hard when I feel like I'm going backwards, but it's awesome when I come up on the good days and have even more improvements.

I have realized at this time, I might not be where I want to be physically yet, but I remind myself of where I've been and how far I've come from only a year ago or even from the broad spectrum of  trials in this journey. I need to be happy and proud of the work I've accomplished  so far and what I have done on my own.

My physical therapy team.

I named this blog, 
"Rising From The Ground". 
Throughout this journey, my life at times has often reflected the lyrics of the song, "Skyscraper". For when life feels like it is tearing me down or feels like it is breaking everything I am,
I will be......RISING......from...the....ground.

Here are the 2 versions of the song that I like. 

              Demi Lavato                        Tyler Ward

I will be rising from the ground,