Angels Watching Over Me

February 15, 2012

The doctor said, Emily you are in trouble, but the good news is we have a lot to work with. There are 25 levels on your blood work that are not normal.  It’s going to be a long road with extensive treatment. There are 3 levels that are extremely out of control and in her words and are very unacceptable. She is a German doctor and her accent is fun to listen too. I can imagine her accent in my mind as I am writing this. She said my Rheumatoid Factor level reached 600 or could be even higher than that with that being the highest number it ranges up to (Normal is 14 or less). With that being high and an infection being the highest she has ever seen 1280 (normal is less than 10). And my Eosinophil’s being high which measures my allergic response being 1725 (normal is 0 to 500). She said with these 3 being so high, those alone can be very deadly. She said that I have critical numbers and that life is fragile. She said that even though I still have life force, with so much inflammation and infection it’s not reliable knowing what will happen next. There is an urgency there to get treatment now.

She said based on findings, the good news is there are angels watching over you. She said it just puzzles her how normal my heart beats are with that high of inflammation. She said by having that kind of inflammation throughout the body, my heart has to work that much harder with my input and output. She said my heart is strong. I kinda wonder if being a runner in the years past kept my heart strong and prepared me for this trial now to keep my heart strong. Who knows. :)

I have had several experiences confirming that I am being watched over.  I just feel so blessed that I get a second chance at life. I realize how fragile life is and how close to being gone I really was. It was so scary.  I feel like I am going to be okay now. I think I have finally found the best route for me for treating my disease. It took me 7 years of trial and error with a wide range of medicines and trying different things to find it. Right now the plan is to get extensive IV treatments every day. I think these IV treatments will be for the months to come, so we are debating whether I should get a pic line put in.

This is a record for myself, but every day I get a range from 7 to 11 IV bags a day. Ranging from: Antibiotics, antivirals, DMSO detox, Vitamin bag (B Vit., Minerals), Homeopathic, Anti-inflammatory, Electrolytes, Circulation (to reduce inflammation, liver, blood flow to nerves) Homeopathic liver, Lipid stabilizer, Mineral/copper (control immune system), zinc, niacin, oxidative, Vit. C., Vit. A. I am sure there is more, but it is hard to keep track.

My RBC are low so I have to be put in this Hyperbaric Chamber. I feel like I am in space. I also need O2 tank.

I have seen miraculous improvement jut from a weeks’ worth of IV treatments. I took my first steps a couple days ago. I have to re learn to walk and move each muscle again. Turning and moving is so hard. I know that sounds dumb, but when you haven’t been able to move for so long you have to remind the brain how to work those muscles again. It is going to be a challenge trying to regain everything back, but I will take it. I am just so happy to be alive.

This part below I wrote a week before my treatments, so the timeline is a little off to my treatments above, but I thought it should go next.

Lately, I have been contemplating, what my family and I are supposed to learn from this trial. I wondered and have recently heard the metaphor, “The most precious metals have to be worked and refined in the fire to become something marvelous.” I thought well, maybe we’re being refined like a precious metal in a fire to know what’s really important in this life.  To realize that we need to have the up most faith, that things will work out and to trust we are being guided in the course we’re on. I have seen a change in all of us. I think we all realize life is precious. Treasure it to the upmost.

We moved me up into a hospital bed up in the bonus room. The first time I looked out the window of the beautiful mountains I just cried for I haven’t seen or been outside in sooo long. When I walk again I want to kiss (metaphorically) the earth and the surrounding of this beautiful place we live. I have realized I want to see so many things with my family and have fun family experiences. My kids are growing up way too fast. :)

I am opening myself up here, so here it goes: A close friend to me who has been through this experience with me from the beginning. She was the one to help me find direction of what doctors to see and what I could do more to help myself. She told me, I know people have told you, you are going to die. She said, DON’T LISTEN TO THEM. YOU decide whether you’re going to live or die. These doctors are there to help you, but it is you who really makes the difference.  She told me to put affirmations all over my room so that I can keep my spirits uplifted. She also told me to watch, “The Secret” movie each day to help uplift me. It is a watch instantly movie on Netflix if you have it. I found it on amazon, but maybe the library has it for free, not sure.

 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000K8LV1O tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=7581749967&ref=pd_sl_1kxjjnv2bg_b

I know affirmations seem dumb, but they have helped remind me of what I need to tell myself. I found these in a Google search of chronic illness affirmations. The hardest one for me to accept was the one that said; I trust Gods will for me. I didn’t like hearing that at first, because I wanted control of what happened to me, but I have realized no, that’s not how it works and I truly believe and trust in gods will for me now. I am going to live.

Spiritual Experiences:

A child’s voice: My sweet neighbor told me of this experience with her daughter. Her daughter is 2 or 3 I can’t remember but she said to her mom, “Emily Koster is very sad today”. Her mom decided to call to check on me and the Stake President was here to give me a blessing. And yes I was very sad that day for how sick I was and not knowing what to do. I was scared for my life. About a week later she told her mom again, mom Emily doesn’t have dinner tonight. We need to bring her dinner. Her mom called me up and said they were bringing me dinner. How that little girl knew I didn’t have dinner and the things she said, how could that not be divine inspiration from above. How a 2 year old could know my name and tell her mom what I needed that in itself is amazing. I just cried knowing the many people who have helped me.

A dove: I have been reading a ton and I read this story about this mother who lost her son Josh in a fatal car crash. It talked about how hard it was to overcome. Well over time her family decided to go fishing as that used to be one of the things they loved to do as a family when he was alive. While fishing the mother noticed when she looked back at her daughter that there was about 30 white butterflies surrounding her and she asked, maybe Josh can communicate with us, so they asked Josh if you’re here will you please send us one yellow butterfly. Then all of the sudden, from out of nowhere a large yellow butterfly flew in front of their faces. And from that point on they talked to Josh as they fished.

As I read that story I saw a picture of a perfect white dove in the beginning of the book and I thought, you know, I think it would be cool to see a pure white dove like that. That night I asked Kent, Do you believe God can send this butterfly as a symbol that their son was with them? And He said, "Yes I believe so". The next morning I woke up to this picture I took with my cell phone on my ceiling with no other light reflecting around the ceiling. I sat and stared thinking, wow that sure looks like a dove with its wings flapping and the story quickly returned to my mind. At this time this happened it seemed like everything in my world was going wrong and I wondered if Heavenly Father was really listening to my prayers. My mom mentioned the picture to my brother and he said you know they teach in the mission field that the white dove is a symbol of the Holy Ghost. I just was in awwww and comforted. I felt like it was a symbol to me knowing he is truly there with me. Watching over me and my family at this time. 

Em